im really glad ive gotten the chance to meet and love Hayley Nolan.

thats really all.

:)

the list

"I could use another cigarrette..."

I have a few confessions to make. First, and foremost, I am a facebook stalker. It's true. Often times girls will walk into my room to find me glued to my computer screen scrolling the vast world of facebook only for me to turn around, in my wonderful desk chair, with a look of complete and utter shame and embarrassment on my face. It's true...I'm a total loser that spends her free time on facebook.

Second, I have fallen in love via the world of facebook. Earlier, I posed the questions to my best friend (Brittney, if you haven't met her, you should. She's a pretty cool cat that does not facebook stalk) if it is possible to fall in love with a boy that you've only seen in a stepsing show once and then stalked on facebook since February. I would appreciate your thoughts on this. I'm going to keep names disclosed at this point mostly to protect myself from full and total shame. Keep in my mind, from what I have gathered from my facebook stalking, we are actually perfect for one another. When I think about it, I envision us maried with our eight kids sitting around the television watching various years of tiger tunes and stepsing (since we both have directed winning shows and all) and after he changes diapers, reads to the boys, and kisses all eight of them goodnight, we retire to the living room to discuss the two most important things in life- music and the Lord. In the midst of these serious conversations, he will make small wise cracks on the level of Jim from the Office, only to make me want to jump his bones even more.

This potential of being in love with a boy I've never met has spent my little mind spinning. Envision what you felt like on the merry-go-round when you were three, just going around and around and up and down but loving it all the same- this is what my mind does. This recent circular activity has been centered around this relationship thing. Why do we prefer to hold onto our hypothetical situations (as described above) rather than to dive into the world of a real relationship with a real person? Are we scared to be vulnerable? Are we scared of being hurt? Of course the dream is better than the reality, but does that make the reality bad? What holds us back? And when do we decide it's worth it to lay down the hypothetical and finally start on the scary journey of potentially sharing life with someone? All of these are things I wished I could understand and answer, but alas, I am only 20 and bring nothing to the table. There is no wisdom here.

Third, only as of late have I begun to discover how serious I am about the world of music. Seasons of my life are defined by a song or an album. I do hear background music describing my moods as I progress throughout the day. Song lyrics seem to sum up exactly what I am thinking and feeling in a way that plain words are inadequate to do. On that note, I will close with song lyrics that will perhaps confuse and frustrate you. Don't worry, I probably don't have a fat clue as to what they mean or what message I am trying to convey by posting them either.

"I could use another cigarrette
But don't worry, daddy, I'm not addicted yet.
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you
Like you were mine.
All your stormy words have barely broken
and you sound like thunder
Though you've barely spoken.
Oh, it looks like rain tonight.
Thank God, cuz a clear sky just wouldn't feel right."

lessons learned

So, I strive not to be cheesy. I have to fight my nature a little bit in order to do this...but nonetheless, it is a goal of mine. With that said, for this one post you will have to excuse me. I am going to be cheesy. You are going to read it and think I am cheesy and then you're never going to mention to me and if you do I'll act like I don't know what you're talking about while secretly inside I will be ashamed of my cheesiness. So, with that disclaimer you may continue reading.

There is this song sung by this girl that won American Idle. I know...I know. I turned my back on the good music of this world to listen to Carrie Underwood...but at times she isn't all that bad. I mean yes, her lyrics don't say anything and the music in and of itself is not impressive...it's purely an album created to make a lot of money. But, at the times when I feel the need to be cheesy...Carrie is there for me. And she's ok with being used and only being called on when I need her and then denying that I know her later on. I asked her. It works for us. 

So, in this cheesy song it talks about lessons learned. This morning I was thinking about the lessons learned from these past two semesters. And really, they can be summed up into just a few words. I hope we aren't like you. It's simple really. At the end of the day....I really hope that we don't end up like y'all. If we do then it's a sad sad day and we haven't done our jobs. If we do, I really need to go to grad school way far away because i would be ashamed to show my face back on this campus. I'm not intending that I want us to be perfect....just better.

With all that being said, I'm glad to see sophomore year come to a close. It's over...and I can't wait for camp to start. Camp is the place I love most. I like the people at camp and I don't want to see them go at the end of the summer. I'm not sad to say bye to Ouachita for 3 months...I am sad that I will have to say bye to camp for 9. Why can't it be that we work camp for 9 months and only go to school for 3? That would be the perfect world right there, ladies and gents.

So, I hope you all have a wonderful summer, whatever your summer plans may be. If you ever happen to be in the Florida, Tennessee, Georgia, or Virginia area give me a call and you can come visit me at camp. It'll be good.

i got an invitation but i wasn't invited

cool points to whoever can tell me the song title and band from which the above lyrics are from. i'll think of a prize later. but i promise it will be really really cool.

much has happened in the past few weeks. and by much i really do mean much. The highlights could possibly be driving to Searcy to see Harding's Spring Sing. It's not Tiger Tunes...but then again, what is? Then, mom and beth were here for a visit. They are funny people....they are my people. and i like them alot. Next, was program weekend in KY. Way so much fun...my team is pretty stinkin' great and I can't wait to meet the rest of them. I spent a lot of time in front of a mac learning all about excel spreadsheets...but it's going to be a good summer. I can't wait (haha...insert Jeff Slaughter song here). Tiger Traks is this weekend. This weekend also happens to be, "Amy-is-going-to-write-all-her-papers-and-projects-ahead-of-time-so-she-doesn't-stress-out-next-week-and-during-finals-week" weekend. It's going to be good and productive. I'm just sad I won't be at SOTO with all those lovely tri chis and their wonderful dates...but it's ok. I'm learning that it's not always a bad thing to miss out...

Speaking of missing out...I have also learned that sometimes it's ok to miss out on friendships too. There are some I wish I had missed out on and other that I'm grateful I did. You know what I mean? I'm no longer jealous of people that have thousands of friends...give me a small group of amazing people to be really good deep friends with anyday. Don't get me wrong...i love having many acquaintances and getting to know them better but I'm realzing that some people are just a waste of time. that doesn't give me the right to be rude to them...but there is a healthy balance of not being interested in getting to know them better and not being straight up rude.

speaking of rude, i'm exhausted. i need to sleep.